Monday, January 31, 2011

Patience Tank Going on Empty

I didn't realize how much writing on this blog has actually helped me out.  The past couple of days it seemed like there wasn't really any mommy time.  And boy, I tell you my body noticed the difference. I caught myself clenching my jaw. My shoulders are tight with tons of knots all over.  I can feel like there's a BIG sigh that needs to be let loose.

It's a combination of things. My little girl has been having a bit of trouble staying asleep these past few days. She's been waking up every few hours and to top that she's also having night terrors.  In a previous post I wrote a little bit about them.  The result of the terrors is that it leaves me with hardly any block of sleep so every day I'm basically a walking zombie.

She's also become a picky eater. The food she used to gooble up doesn't even get a second glance.  Blueberries, oatmeal, yogurt, etc. Now I'm trying to get as creative as I can to find things that she'll eat. I've even tried using dicing vegetables and meat to mix into the rice and noodles that she will eat. Yea, I know its a phase that most toddlers go through.  I'm still looking out for my little girl. I wanna make sure she gets the right nutrition she needs to grow up and make a big brain.

Now what to do about it? I could scream, whine, moan and complain. Naw, I'm a fighter. Even if I'm so tired that I'm looking at things cross-eyed. Imma still going to fight for my baby girl 'cause that's what mommies do.  Go team Mommy!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Night Terrors

Have you heard about these? Baby Center describes them as "These mysterious disturbances happen during deep, non-dreaming sleep. A child in this state will cry, whimper, flail, and even bolt out of bed."  My poor little girl is going through these.  She's sleeping but screaming bloody murder.  Once I hear her cry I'm instantly awake and on the verge of swooping in.  After a minute or so I can tell that she's actually still sleeping.  It's disturbing to watch.  I don't know what she's dreaming about unless her nightmares involve Sid the Science kid or Blue's clues she's not really exposed to anything that would give her bad dreams.  Maybe she's just scared that she won't get the boob.

After a few minutes she just drops back to a deep sleep.  At least she's getting the sleep, mommy on the other hand isn't getting any with the nightly screaming.  I'm SO tired right about now.  YAWN!  Ok, time to try for a nap time.

Where Did the Time Go?

My life has revolved around my little girl.  That's normal, a first baby, of course you're going to be caring, teaching, protecting her and watching her grow.  The other day I stepped on the scale and my eyes just about jumped out of my head.  What's wrong with that number?  Is the scale broken?  That can't be how much I REALLY weigh!  Where did the time go?  Yes, yes I just had a baby and I was pretty proud that I got back to my pre-pregnancy weight.  Sadly, that is no longer the case.  SIGH!  Let's just say that I didn't feel all that different until I looked and I mean really looked.  After my little wake up call I just stripped down to my birthday suit and just looked from almost every angle.  I just don't want to be in this shape anymore.  I can't use the new baby excuse anymore since she's almost 1 1/2.

Coincidentally a old friend of mine posted about how much success she was having on her new diet.  We're talking about in the double digits in less then a month.  I did some research online and read the book and it sounds promising.  It's not all about the diet, well that's mainly it.  It's not all that different from the things you usually hear, smaller portions, cut out refined sugars, drink more water, exercise, etc.  So I didn't think it was THAT much of a stretch.

The diet is called "The 17 day diet".  It turns out the creator is from San Diego, go local, right?  So here it goes.  If I'm going to do this thing I'm going all the way.  With the hubby's ok I ordered the book and the meal plan.  Kind of like the meal plan you get with weight watchers.  I just didn't want to do something wrong by adding the wrong ingredient to my cooking and screw it up or something.  I'm going to see how the meal plan works with cycle 1.

I still have to cook for my husband and my baby though.  It's going to be tempting that's for sure.  They'll get to eat the good stuff.  Wish me luck and if all goes well then I'll be bikini ready for the summer time.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Just When You Relax, Alarm Bells

Babies must have this warning beacon that goes off when mommy is in the middle of something.  Just when you jump in the shower, fall asleep, start going to the bathroom or otherwise preoccupied that's when your bundle of joy wakes up from sleep.  When she was younger I would wait before I do mommy things because I just knew she would wake up any minute.  There was a time when I even pushed back my bed time because she woke up so often that I kinda gave up on sleep.  Yep, I know WHAT was I thinking.  Now that she's a bit older her sleep patterns are a bit more predictable.  I have a general idea when I'll have sometime to myself.  It might be a few minutes here and there through the day but the largest gap is after I put her down for the night. Although, it never fails to amaze me that just when I start to relax, that's when she's up and crying for mommy love.  Sigh... guess I can't help that mommy is "de bestest EVER" to my little girl.

Little Quirks

While I was pregnant my husband's friend told me about her daughter's little quirk.  While she was falling asleep she would always reach up and rub her mom's ear.  That pleasant image stayed with me during my pregnancy and filled me with hopes of similar moments of tenderness between my daughter and I.

My little girl also had her quirk right out of the womb.  She is undeniably a boob woman/girl/baby.  I didn't know there were boob girls until she pooped out.  Aah yes, during sweet mother/daughter moments while I'm nursing she reaches her tiny hand up to start stroking my other breast.  Get your head out of the gutter, it's not perverted!  While I look down to my peaceful nursing baby her little pudgy hand strokes my other breast and then it happens. She reaches inside and pinches my nipple.  The pain is immediate, tears fill my eyes and I'm screaming in my head.

The first rule about babies is you never wake a sleeping baby.  The second rule about babies is you never wake a sleeping baby.  No matter how many times I gentle pry her fingers from my lady lumps those darn fingers find away back in. I've tried a hand block, holding onto my own boob, holding her hand, rolling away and nothing works.  She's a boob girl and falls asleep the fastest pinching, twisting and otherwise damaging the goods. 

Being able to nurse her this long has been a blessing having this close private time with my littler girl.  I just want to come out of it with them intact. 

Friday, January 21, 2011


In the past few months my little girl is increasingly taking on a personality of her own.  She is showing the capability to figure out what she wants and how to communicate it to others. She excels in how to say "NO" and progressively becomes more insistent if mommy just doesn't get it.  It starts with the shake of a head, then ignoring you, and finally slapping or pushing away the offending object or person.  She's a toddler grown ups should expect frequent "NOs", right?

On the flip side, she's imitating what she sees and incorporates it into her play. Which I might add is super adorable!  She talks into real and toy cell phones (she learned how to call grandma) to carry on in depth conversations all in nonstop baby babble.  When mommy is in the kitchen so is she, pulling out Tupperware, pots, pans, and mixing up a storm at her My Very Own Kitchen.  Imitating has its advantages.  I've taught her how to "brush" her teeth while mommy brushes her teeth and simply convinced her to eat or drink something just because I was. 

My journey as a first time mother has been filled with so many great memories.  I must say toddlerhood is the funniest so far.  Just watching her and her antics makes me chuckle at random moments.


After my maternity leave was over and I had to go back to work things just didn't flow.  I switched to night shift, got even less sleep with the new working hours, got hurt on the job and lost out on baby time. I was miserable at work for more reasons than I'm going to go into.  An opportunity presented itself to stop working, become a stay-at-home-mom while I go back for the BSN.  I jumped at the chance.  I loved being with my baby girl and witnessing all her "firsts", gaining confidence, and becoming a social butterfly.  I wouldn't have traded this time with her for anything.

That said, I'm starting to get stir crazy. It could be the monotony of the day or it could be the desire to "get back out there".  Whatever it is, I want to go back to work again.  I just don't want to go back to what I was doing.  The problem is switching departments in this economy is proving to be rather difficult.  My dream job would be in the mother/baby area. It would be even better if I could get some experience under my belt here before we moved.  It feels like time is running out to look for something here to make it worth while.  Ugh...
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